Doritos Pushing Flavor Envelope With New Envelope Flavored Doritos

TORONTO, ON—Scientists at the Frito-Lay CERN lab (Doritos Division) announced that they have successfully created the first Envelope Flavored Doritos after several months of failed attempts and setbacks that many thought would endanger the whole program.

"After we created Chutney Seltzer Doritos so easily, we thought we could do this," lead scientist and spokesman, Fred Hansen, said in an interview last week.

But problems with the chip reactor core, and the salt infusion collider created even more obstacles for the already challenging endeavor.

However, after several repairs and test runs, the Flavor Enabling Reactor Matrix Initiator, located deep underground Toronto, was able to produce the long sought after flavor.

When asked why they tried for such difficult one, Hansen said, "When we did Dirt [Flavored Doritos], the matrix was already aligned for something more daring. So, why not?"

And after the recent success of Breast Milk Doritos, and the infamous Anti-Taco Doritos, Hansen felt they had to push the flavor boundaries.

While the first attempts concentrated on the semi-sweet, glue-like substance that many envelopes have for sealing, it became clear that something else was needed.

"That [glue-like sealing flavor] was mostly hooves and Xanthan gum. Piece of cake," Hansen said, alluding to the ease of the successful Piece of Cake Doritos that are still for sale in Sault Ste. Marie, and other boarder cities. But his team wanted to go big.

The challenge, he went on, was the starchy, grainy texture of an actual envelope. U-Line brand, business class was the specific type.

"We kept getting U-Line small mailing box flavor, or the occasional 20 pound cardstock, but that's not what we were after," Hansen said.

According to the official press release issued by Frito Lay (the makers of Doritos), it wasn't until the team decided to try two extremely unconventional and controversial tactics, that they had success.

One, they slowed the collider down by almost 5%.

And two—they didn't add any salt.

When asked what the next flavor would be after so many successes, Hansen grinned and said,

"The big one. Chip Flavored."

New Hear Here Year Here

Head on over here for a link to a fine little publication. (Invisible Girl.)  It will be good for you and your soul. I'm waiting for the print version with the bad-ass cover, which I hear is coming, this year.

Also, I guess it's no go on the fake news writing. Unless I post things here. Which I might.

Also, in other news, but not news about fake news... this year's waiting game begins. While I'm waiting for the game, I take comfort in the hope that I at least pushed the start button. So, I'm starting to wait.

Proof That Changing A Light Bulb In Slow Motion Is Cool

Not a play list, or a list, but this is what plays on my playlist.

Twenty Four Hour Sushi Showdown

Sadly, this post is not about sushi. Or is it? Or rather, should it be? Perhaps all things should be about sushi. Especially after one has recently shoveled some of the best damn sushi down their mouth. That one being me.


Anyway. I started writing for the smew and something of mine should show up soon. I shall inform the world when it does.

I have nothing much else to report, not that this is a report, not that anyone is expecting a report, nor is it necessary to have a report.

Twenty Four Ounce Per Hour Per Pounce

Themes for today:
To-do lists.
One of my to-do lists has "write to-do list" on it. On a separate list is "write blog about to-do lists". Or, it will say this, so I can scratch it off. I might water my plants and then write "water plants" on the list in order to scratch it off. It's one of those temporal challenged to-do lists that is only created as things are done. Time and tense have no real meaning when it comes to to-done lists and the like.

I had a dream where I was trying to cross off items on such a list. I was mostly having a difficult time reading it. I can and have read things in my dreams, as well as reading and entering numbers. There have been several dream scenes where I am dialing and messing up every time. I concentrate and push the numbers carefully, but I keep getting it wrong. Before the frustration gets too severe, I realize that I might be dreaming, and the call is placed. Or, in most cases, the "text" is sent. When I wake up, I am at the edge of panic as I fear I must have been sleep-texting all night. But I wasn't. It hasn't happened yet where I am actually calling or texting someone in my sleep. Which is kind of disappointing.

I've had a dream about writing a to-do list. It was one of those dreams where I'm watching the scene instead of participating in it. I knew there were some really big and awesome things on that dream-to-do list, but I couldn't see them exactly. I knew some things were crossed off. Big things. Like Magna Carta big. But my head was in the way and I never did figure it out. Also disappointing. 
They tell me it's November. The grass is getting greener, so it must be.

More and Such and Some Etc.

"The Other Whale Tale"
Story time.

The Underwood Typewriter Sits Above Wood and Doesn't Type

There's a bloated ball near my brain, behind my nose, but not to the point where I can actually blow it out. I've used a roll of toilet paper to try. And a box of pseudo sudafed. (Which isn't that clever-- the "pseudo" part, as that's where sudafed actually gets its name. It's a pseudo version of ephedrine. Or is it?)

ADMIN WARNING: YOU ARE CLOSE TO YOUR ALLOTTED USE OF THE WORD "PSEUDO." PROCEED WITH CAUTION

So despite taking the fake version of the brand Sudafed-decongestant-ephedrine-wanna-be, I am still stuffed up somehow. It's the confusing stuffed up. Can't breathe that well through the nose, but also can no longer make "productive" piles of Kleenex (brand tissues.) When I put "productive" in quotes like that, it really does make it gross.

Anyway, the theme for this day: I don't really, exactly, know how "toilet water" used to be used in a sentence. How it should be used, or was used, I'm sure it has something to do with the French... but whatever its originally meaning, regardless if it used to mean perfume, or something to do with cologne-- it makes me laugh when I hear it used. Stop using it. C'mon people. Unless you mean the water in the actual toilet.